| Rabbi Daniel Travis is Rosh Kollel of Kollel Toras Chaim in Yerushalayim and the author of a number of seforim, including Shailos Uteshuvos Toras Chaim and Praying With Joy 1-5, practical daily guides to improving one's prayers, available from Feldheim Publishers. | | | For more information about his work or to set up a shiur during one of his visits, email dytravis613@gmail.com
| | | Based on divrei halachah heard from Rav Azriel Auerbach and Rav Shlomo Zafrani. The answers given here are the general rule, but each case is unique and must be referred to a posek. | |  | | Rav Azriel Auerbach |  | | Rav Shlomo Zafrani | | For a private appointment with the rabbonim in Eretz Yisroel, or to send questions, email Rabbi Travis at dytravis613@gmail.com.
Selected shailos will be printed in this column. | | | | | | | The author expresses his gratitude to
R' Naftali and Rivki Leshkowitz
who sponsor the shaylos and teshuvos program of Kollel Toras Chaim
and the weekly questions. For more information about Rabbi Travis's work
or to set up a shiur during one of his visits, email dytravis613@gmail.com.
The author thanks his talmidim, Rabbi Yehuda Korolnik and Rabbi Yaakov March for their assistance in preparing this column. | | |
Testing Your Shidduch References | | | Question:
It has been a long time since I got a shidduch suggestion and last night I sat down to try to think about whether I am doing something wrong. I looked over my shidduch resumé and I noticed that one of the references is somebody who I have not felt such positive feedback from in the past months. I am concerned that although I have never heard anything negative from this person, perhaps he may be telling people to avoid going out with me. Is it permitted for me to ask someone to call him up and find out what he will say or is this a problem of geneivas daas?
Another issue that I have confronted in my shidduchim is that I am looking for a serious bochur to get married to. Yet, in the past, I have been suggested to bochurim who are not so serious, being told otherwise. Are his references allowed to say that he is a serious bochur when this is not the case?
C. B. | | | Rav Auerbach:
First of all, I am truly sorry that you are having such difficulty with your shidduchim. May Hashem send you great siyata diShmaya to help find your zivug hagun very soon.
As far as your question about testing out your references, it is definitely permitted for you to ask someone to call this reference, since it is for the benefit of your shidduchim. There is no issue of geneivas daas in doing this, since you are not tricking him. You are really interested in knowing what he will say. Furthermore, the prohibition of geneivas daas primarily applies when someone is tricking someone to get money out of them, not trying to get important information which is critical for your shidduchim. You do not have to worry about causing him to speak lashon hara, for as long as he knows that he is being asked to give information for the sake of a shidduch, this is considered to be for a constructive purpose on his side and it is permitted for him to say this.
As far as your second question is concerned about getting true information about a bochur, I believe very firmly that if a girl says that she is looking for a serious bochur, she should be told the truth as to whether the boy she is planning on dating is serious or not. One of my father's talmidim, Rav Nebenzahl, lives in the Old City of Yerushalayim. When he was in the Mir Yeshiva, it was well-known that if someone wanted to get accurate information about a bochur, he was to speak to Rav Nebenzahl. It is a great disservice to a girl who has a true desire to marry a ben Torah to waste her time, or, even worse, to put her into a relationship that she does not want to be in. | | | Question:
I am Sefardi and I always make Kiddush before washing netilas yodayim. Recently, I was by my friend, who is of German descent, and he washed and then made Kiddush. I wasn't sure what to do, so I followed what he did. Was that correct?
Alex | | | Rav Zafrani:
Yes. The halacha is that when you go to someone's home, you follow his minhagim. This is similar to what the Mishnah says in Pesochim (50a) that when you change places, you become subject to the minhagim of that place. | | | Question:
I wake up at 3 a.m. every day, and for many years I recited Birchos Hashachar as soon as I woke up. About a year ago, I started davening in a shul where one of the mispallelim asked me if I can say brachos out loud to him so he can answer amein. I have been doing this, but sometimes I daven at a different shul and this change of schedule can cause me to get confused about whether or not I said brachos. What is the best course of action?
Y. K. | | | Rav Zafrani:
The best course of action is to make yourself a hanhagah where you will not get confused. Since Birchos Hashachar can be recited after chatzos halaylah when you wake up, I suggest that you go back to your original practice and make all the brachos as soon as you wake up. This is the hanhagah that I follow and it saves me from having doubts afterwards. | | Rabbi Travis gives a daily shiur on
Thanking Hashem
for things that seem bad
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