----- Forwarded Message -----From: "Rabbi Moshe Revah" <htcnews@htc.edu>To: "mates57564@aol.com" <mates57564@aol.com>Sent: Thu, Nov 16, 2023 at 4:00 PMSubject: Dvar Torah from the Rosh HaYeshiva
Dear Yeshiva Family:
One of the many disastrous effects of the current war and the outbreak of global anti-Semitism is an exponential increase in anxiety-related issues. Certainly, if a person feels that their intake of the news is hindering their daily functioning, they should take measures to protect themselves from the news. There is no point in freezing up and not functioning. Additionally, one should not hesitate to turn to a mentor or professional for help if the need arises. All of us are experiencing some form of increased tension and nerves; how can we channel these feelings in a positive direction?
This week's parshah begins with Yitzchak and Rivka davening for children. The Gemara (Yevamos 64A) comments that our Avos and Imahos had difficulty conceiving because Hashem wanted them to daven to Him, "and Hashem desires the tefillos of tzadikim." At first glance, this may seem difficult to comprehend. Experiencing infertility is one of life's hardest challenges, and it seems as if Hashem is placing the tzaddikim through this pain just because he enjoys their tefillos? How are we able to understand such a phenomenon?
Chana pleaded with Hashem for a child, and correctly noted that it would not be a big deal for Hashem to grant her just one child and put her out of her misery. Indeed, Hashem said to Avraham in response to Sara Imeinu's laugh "is anything difficult for Hashem?" He can make a 90-year-old woman give birth! It's comforting to remind ourselves that absolutely anything can happen because Hashem is in charge, but then why does Hashem allow people to experience suffering? What does it mean that Hashem wants the tefillos of the Tzaddikim?
The reality is that a relationship between two parties is cultivated through shared time and experiences spent together. Whether one is developing a relationship with a new spouse, such as during Shana Rishona, with a new roommate, with a new gadget, or with Hashem, the depth of the relationship will be determined by how much positive time is spent together. Additionally, regarding our relationship with Hashem, His existence in our lives is initially limited because we cannot "see" Him. In order to have a relationship with Him, we must first create our awareness of Him. The more we talk to Him, the more real He becomes to us.
If Hashem immediately granted a person's desire, he would not develop this skill of turning to Hashem. That skill is honed by a person who needs something. Hashem takes our natural desires—e.g., the desire to get married, the desire for children, the desire to make a good parnasah—and uses that desire, that deep yearning, to cause us to turn to Him. We would never be able to reach the depth of Tefilla with just an altruistic approach to prayer.
One must understand though, that a one-time emotional Shemoneh Esreh is not going to cultivate that relationship. Just as meeting someone once does not automatically lead to a deep relationship, one conversation with Hashem does not automatically translate into a deep, lifelong relationship. A deep relationship requires a lot of time together. In Yitzchak and Rivka's case, it required 20 years of davening. In Avraham and Sara's case nearly 100 years of davening, day-in and day-out with a tremendous yearning. That type of davening and connecting could not have happened if they were answered immediately. This is what created them; this is what made them into Avraham and Yitzchak. This is what made Sara, Rivka, and Rochel.
One can explain the reason why Leah did not suffer from infertility was because she had already developed such a relationship with Hashem over her many years of crying to Hashem to allow her to marry Yaakov instead of Eisav.
Our avos and imahos are still around in Olam Haba and that painful time is way past them, but they are still reaping the rewards of the relationship cultivated during that time. Looking back, surely, they say it was worth it, and they now appreciate the rewards gained from what they went through.
To be sure, this requires a degree of maturity. Sometimes people get upset at Hashem, and feel they have davened so long and so many times, have faced so many disappointments, and feel they cannot face Hashem again. These feelings are natural and understandable when facing disappointment. However, these feelings also ebb and flow. Today, someone truly upset at Hashem can make-up with Him tomorrow. Hashem is a "big-boy"; he can handle someone being upset with him, if he knows that tomorrow those negative feeling will be transformed into a deeper relationship, when the person will give the relationship another attempt, and channel all that initial pain into creating a stronger relationship.
But the main way to get past this challenge is by recognizing that all that davening was not for nothing, for the entire time the goal was not the child at the end, but the davening along the way! Hashem could have granted the child right away, but desired the tefillos. Alternatively, if this person was destined not to have children, Hashem could have made them not desire children, and make that time not painful. The situation was tailor-made to help a person attain awareness of Hashem and deepen the connection to Him. If one did daven persistently and consistently, then he was successful. This is a very lofty level, perhaps only understood by those who have successfully surmounted the challenge and now appreciate a deep relationship achieved with Hashem. The eye-opening idea here is that the davening is not for the goal of children, the davening itself is the goal. This, then, is Hashem's plan of withholding children from tzaddikim.
This concept can help us develop a positive response to our negative reactions to the news. If one wakes up in middle of the night feeling panicky, if one has a hard time falling asleep, if one has a general feeling of being anxious, this is an opportunity to use natural feelings (anxiety, tension etc.) to build a closer relationship with Hashem. Turn to Hashem and say some Tehillim. Focus on Hashem being Almighty, being able to do anything. Know that Hashem loves you at least as much as you love your children, and ultimately has our best interests in mind. These are not easy concepts to wrap your mind around and just repeating them once will not change you. This requires focus. It requires closing your eyes and completely bringing these ideas into your mind and heart. And it requires them to be done over time.
The more one has this "mussar seder," the deeper these concepts will be ingrained in him and the deeper will be his relationship with Hashem.
May Hashem help us all develop and thrive in our relationship with Him, to the point that we merit a geulah sheleimah bekarov.
Rabbi Moshe Revah
Rosh HaYeshiva, HTC - Beis HaMidrash LaTorah
HTC
Hebrew Theological College is a member of Touro University
and a partner with the Jewish United Fund in serving our community
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