RABBI SHLOMO CARLEBACH ON Parashat vayigash תשע"ג

How Can I Ever Return? For how can I go up to my father (Bereishis 44:34) What happened when Yehuda stood before Yosef? He mamesh knew that this was the end for him. He saw that he had lost his share in the Coming World, because if Binyamin had to stay in Egypt, he could not go back to Ya’akov. How could he return to his father without Binyamin? He might as well commit suicide – he had absolutely nothing more to do in this world. And suddenly he realized, “Gevalt, for my whole life, from the beginning until now, everything I’ve done was wrong…” So what did he do?