RABBI LAZER BRODY ON ELUL Frummie Rebelette

(PLEASE LEARN THIS FOR THE REFUA SHELAMA OF RAV CHAIM KANIEVSKY-Rav Shmaryahu Yosef Chaim ben Pesha Miriam,Rav Shteinman - Aaron Yehuda Leib ben Gitel Feiga, Rav Weiss - Yitzchak Tuvia ben Rikal, Rav Yosef - Yaakov Chai ben Margalit Harav Shlomo Leib Ben Miriam - HaRav Shlomo Brevda Harav Yeshaya Yaakov Ben Raizel - HaRav Yeshaya Yaakov Portugal Harav Meshulem Fish Ben Tziril - The Toshe Rebbe Rav Yerachmiel Shlomo Hakohen ben Raizel. -Rav Yerachmiel Shlomo Rothenberg, rosh yeshiva of Yeshiva of Mountaindale Rav Shaul ben Pasha-Gavaad Zurich, Switzerland and rav of Beis Medrash Agudas Achim for a refuah shleima b’soch kol cholei am Yisrael.)(AND L"N RAV YOSEF SHALOM BEN RAV AVRAHAM(RAV ELYASHIV ZT"L)

Hi Rabbi Brody! I have everything. A great family who loves me, mentors and Torah role models, a top notch grad school that I will hopefully graduate from in a little over a year, and hopes for a great future. I love Hashem. But I'm constantly testing Him, testing his patience and mercy. I have some struggles emotionally but I do not believe that this excuses my rebellious behavior. I don't go around rebelling in public, but I often do things against Hashem's will in private. Well sometimes in public too, if you count modesty infractions. (I'm female). Mostly it doesn't bother me so much, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it. Sometimes a sin is actually hard to commit because of the shame I feel while doing it. To give an example that's not typical for me but has happened on occasion, it's like eating non-kosher food (or food i have doubts about) and every bite is painful but I keep eating it. Like you wrote to the rapper, it's like my soul is in jail. For the most part I think I'm okay but sometimes I feel anxious or guilty and for some reason that sparks feelings of rebellion.